Memphis, TN to Crossville, TN to Roanoke, VA
Ok, so I’m super sorry I stopped blogging before the end of the trip. I just got super drunk tired and forgot. Then I drove into Virginia. Saw Melanie and the kids and got all drunk crazy and forgot again. My deepest apologies. Anyhoosies, we left Memphis and that was supposed to be our short day. A mere 4 ½ hours. But for some reason, it seemed to me to be one of the longest days ever. Unfortunately, Mom has the flu, so I did all the driving in this trip except 2 hours in NM. For some reason though, my brain was not into paying attention to the road to Crossville. I swear, it took all my strength not to fall asleep driving. I drank many Red Bulls just to get us across Tennessee. In fact, I cut myself shaving and I actually bled Red Bull.
(What do you mean Red Bull works better without vodka?)
But after working my way through Nashville, we landed in Crossville, TN with little problem. Though Nashville did have much traffic and many interchanging freeways, me and my superior sense of direction made it through just fine. But I did notice from about 100 miles outside of Nashville until our stop that day, I-40 was calling itself “The Music Highway”. And I’ll be honest. I did not hear one note of music the entire trip that day. I’m not a fan of country music but don’t call yourself the Music Highway if you’re not playing music. I’m just saying. And I would have enjoyed that music. You see, Buttons has a serious issue with music. Though I’ve been told my many people in my life that I am a great singer, Buttons completely disagrees. Whenever I’ve had a part in a musical and need to practice at home, she will follow along on my heels and bite at my ankles to make me stop the tortuous noises emitting from my throat. But it’s not just me. She hates almost all music. She will howl and scratch and carry one if we play music in the car. And if I want to sing along…let’s just say, it’s been a very quiet trip. For all our sakes.
(I don’t care if you landed the lead in “Jesus Christ Superstar”. Take it outside.)
So to pass time, Mom and I played a wonderful pre-Civil War game called “The Minister’s Cat”, thanks to the movie “North and South”. We played “I Spy” for about 30 seconds. Mom said, “I spy something green.” and I said, “Is it a tree?” and she said, “Well, yeah but it’s one we passed like ½ mile ago so you didn’t really guess it right. You lose.” I got mad and quit. We also played “20 questions” and “Guess What I’ve Been Scratching.”
(Here’s a hint: It’s “south of the equator”.)
Anyway, what should have been our shortest day took forever! The hotel in Crossville was really nice. A great big green field for Scuppy to poop in. And…there was a Cracker Barrel. Kaloo-Kalay! Some real freakin’ food! I have been subsisting on a breakfast of popcorn, lunch of chips or more popcorn and dinner of fast food or Denny’s. But God bless America, Crossville, TN had a freakin’ Cracker Barrel right down the street from our hotel. I enjoyed a wonderful rib-eye steak along with buying an adorable red cloak on clearance and about $100 in Christmas ornaments that were completely necessary for me to live. Thank you, Cracker Barrel. I really do love you. The next day we drove into Virginia.
(The most green I’ve seen since the “medicinal” pot dispensaries in L.A.)
Virginia truly is God’s country. Green and lush and very beautiful. The leaves are on the edge of turning colors. It was drizzling rain. A wonderful drive home. I thought for sure this would be the longest day ever. Right around 5 hours. I had to pee like 5 times (which is really more of a norm for me than the majority of the trip). The cat howled for food, so we stopped to feed her. Then she peed. Stop again. Dog had to pee. Stop again. And then we were hungry. Stop again. We stopped more on that last day then all of the other days together. And to top it all off, the last hour of the trip, the speed limit dropped to 55mph. Seriously?! Long story short, we made it. And it didn’t seem nearly as bad as I thought it would. Everything is so similar and yet so foreign. I don’t really know how to describe it. The house is so unbelievably beautiful. Scuppy has made fast friends with Melanie and the kids and Buttons has decided to let the three of them live. Obviously, this is all meant to be. The kids have more than made themselves at home and even stayed the night Saturday night. It’s obvious we’re home because no matter what I did, my tv seemed to find it’s way to Nickelodeon instead of Iron Chef America, where I kept putting it.
(Wow. Bobby Flay has really let himself go.)
But at least the time zone is correct now. Thank God for Will, the hot cable guy. He gave me his business card in case I have any questions. Ashton was very kind to shriek at me as he left, “Teetah, you got his digits!” Yeah…thanks, kid. I’m tired. There’s mess everywhere, which you all know is causing my OCD to go into overdrive. But that’s ok. I have all day tomorrow to organize to my drunk crazy little heart’s content. God bless the jacuzzi tub. Even if Mom won’t let me get in it, she spends enough time in there to keep her out of my hair. Lol! Now, I have to make a vet appointment for pup-pup. Her vaccines are due. Get a job. Learn my choir parts for the Christmas dealie. Find a costume for Melinda and Eric’s Halloween party. Get a job. Go see Dad and Janet in Asheville in a couple of weeks. Get both pets groomed. Set up the house. And maybe get a job. Yep. No problem at all. I’m just thankful to be home and out of the car and the endless hotels. Though Scuppy is honest in saying she really misses having her own bed.
(I’m so tense, I couldn’t have traveled an inch further!)
Thank you, God for getting us here safely. Thank you Melanie for all your hard work. Once my car is washed, you totally deserve an afternoon off. Thank you Mom for being my mid-life crisis buddy. There are many adventures to be had and I’m sure I’ll be in touch soon. Especially once the honeymoon is over and I need to “share” my Southern experiences with you. Election is coming up!